The Oreo Bully

Advice for the black kid accused of acting white.

A young person asked me how they could become more violent. In the light of the old adage “If violence doesn’t solve your problem, you’re not using enough.” I had read another query from the same person and assessed that they were being bullied for being a nerd and thus became anxious that their current personality would keep them in the McFly zone permanently. There being no time travel machine, perhaps fighting fire with fire was the path to peace and acceptance.

#1. Don’t hit anyone who hasn’t hit you. Ever.

#2. Realize that you are already right. You know that you are being treated badly and you know that you deserve better. You are already right. These people are wrong.

#3. Heal yourself. You thought that punching somebody in the face was a path towards healing. It is not. That is revenge. Revenge does not heal. It locks you in place and it turns pests into enemies.

#4. Realize that the world is huge and this problem is small. The question is how long are you going to stay close to this small problem and these small people? Walk away. You have other places to be, and better things to do.

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I give you this advice because I think it is the only true solution. That is to say I don’t believe you have a physical safety problem, you have an emotional blackmail problem. In other words, you are giving other people power over you because you feel that you need their approval and acceptance. And because they are withholding it from you, you are withholding it from yourself. This is the core of the problem, you are punching yourself in the nose.

And yet I understand that you are black and without black friends, how are you going to fit in with that violence you see in black culture?