The Overbearing
The enemy of trust.
One of my favorite movies was the Unbearable Lightness of Being, but I also hated it because I never found a woman like Sabina. Or maybe every woman was Sabina and I didn’t recognize it. I find it almost unbearable to try to remember what that film meant to me except that I was jealous of the man for his exquisite lover. Nobody in my neighborhood even knew the film existed, those that did couldn’t imagine themselves anywhere but where they were.
These days I’m reading Michael Pollan again, this time on the nature of consciousness. It’s pretty good. I have always connected with Pollan and several others who make me rethink myself or at least remain unstable and/or selfless enough to recognize that life is not so fragile as it is dynamic. You must rethink and be light on your feet. You must snatch the flowers from their stems and smell them.
In my pursuit of Focus this year, I have begun publishing my code to Github. Some small fraction of you know exactly what it means. It’s essentially a digital way of communicating to others how much programming you’ve been doing. You can click on this matrix and look down to every bit of code I wrote and all of its history. It’s a kind of disclosure that is both efficient, total, comprehensive and frightening. This one is my local Gitlab I’m still protective of some of this.
One Of The Best
I have recently applied for something very close to my dream job and this morning it occurred to me that they are such a big deal enough company that they can hold out for a rock star. I’m not a rock star. In fact I’ve never aspired to be a rock star, and I’ve never twerked my body in order to meet a passing rock star. I’m somewhat ambivalent about that modicum of ambition. Without being cynical, I never wanted to come in first place. I grew up thinking second place was better because at the end of the race I wouldn’t have to face the cameras and microphones but still know I was one of the best.
On my iPad, I have been taking notes of what people have called the greatest films of all times, and my interviewer asked me what would be a great album to listen to if I loved jazz piano. It was an unexpected question but I gave two answers. One was with Oscar Peterson called The Alternate Blues. I can still remember the day I first heard it.
I was at Common Wave, where my outfitter got me interested in my favorite electronics and he was playing this album on his killer setup - the one with the DeVore Fidelity brass ring speakers. It was one of the standout musical moments in my life. Now that I’m talking about such moments, you might be pleased to know that the other moment happened as I was flying cross-country and out of the blue decided to listen to the in-flight radio program and I came across Bobby McFerrin whom I thought was over and done. It’s one of the greatest surprises ever. Even though I knew he had collaborated with Chick Corea before, nothing prepared me for this album.
Judgement
In my ethics, I find several virtuous and common things about a person. I focus on that and little else. People are too difficult to know in any holistic way. All of us are forced to, on the consuming side, take a few choice cuts of their persona and deal from there. On the producing side, we present shiny surfaces of what we think are our best qualities and hope people draw positives. There’s no telling if those choice cuts are of the shiny. This matter of social dissonance has been a haunting problem of mine as far back as I can remember. I’ve always considered myself to be easily respectable, I’ve only been known properly by a few.
When I think about the concept of The Overbearing it is that I perceive the extreme lengths to which people in our society are not looking for a few virtues and common values to be accepting of others. It is more than simple ‘divisiveness’. It’s the actual mechanic of reversing my ethos. People find one or two vicious things and several uncommon aspects of others in order to reject and vilify them. This defensive posture undermines common purpose.
In many ways I am seeking common purpose in citizenship, and of course I am seeking common purpose in employment. I’m not sure if these are the same kind of purpose, but what I am more sure of is that both are primarily mediated by internet applications - of social media and of recruitment systems. A face to face meeting is more difficult to get these days. It’s quite a task to succeed in getting to talk to a human being capable of making a fair judgement of you as a person, as a citizen, as a worker.
It seems that when we get on the wrong side of the ball, we end up in an endless cycle of polishing different aspects of our total surface. Is this the me that I need to be in order for them to see me?
I See You
This is the new term. It means ‘understood with compassion’ as best I can tell. Perhaps ‘acknowledged as valuable’ is equally applicable. It originated as a pop ballad from the blockbuster film Avatar and connotes the deep [noble savage] emotional connection of the Navi. The contrasting themes of the movie, of connection with nature vs exploitation of natural resources resonates with this theme of The Overbearing. That is because there is an excruciating amount of rational distrust in people who become overbearing. There is no limit to which a subject of suspicion is battered with relentless inquisition. This is the theme of our social and political fracas. Lawfare.
Most recently the film Disclosure Day replicates the theme in a different dimension. What if our government has been distrusting us for generations? What if the simple truth is that we could have the power to understand each other with a glance? What paramilitary apparatus would be used against us to keep us at a distance? Spielberg, as the master visual storyteller crafts his film such that it becomes all about sight. Seeing is believing.
Today’s stoic lesson is one of grace. It’s about understanding what we all need in the long term and finding in each other the virtues and commonality that allows us to establish track records of trust. It’s about fidelities and social interconnections that are needed to persist. It’s about taking the risk putting forth the peaceful tat rather than vengeful tit. Break that cycle.
You might even stumble into a cycle of trust. You can do it with a look or a song beyond overbearing words.