The Brokenhearted Woman

Asked and Answered

Q. My ex is a completely different person than who I thought he was, how do I cope?

A. OK so here’s the thing. If you could be satisfied for three years, confiding in someone who didn’t ultimately love you, chances are very good that there’s somebody out there who is even better. Just because one joker ultimately disregarded you, why would you disregard yourself? Did you really only exist to yourself through his eyes?

Stop that.

It’s one thing to feel alone. It’s something altogether different to feel suicidal. Right now you have to ask yourself one very serious question. Have you done everything in life that you wanted to do? If the answer is no, then shutup about suicide and never talk about it again, except to a professional counselor. I don’t really think you’re really serious about suicide. But you do want some attention and that’s ok. You deserve it.

So right now you need to change yourself in one fundamental way, which is you have to decide that you can survive a broken heart. Don’t think about it. Just decide. Say it. I can survive a broken heart. Then go ahead and survive. If you don’t have a middle name, now you have a secret one, ‘Survivor’.

I don’t believe that you walked into this relationship saying “I need this man to love me forever, or I may as well not exist.” Because if you could have done that, you could have asked him to marry you right then and there. Somehow you got lost and confused thinking that your relationship was until death, but you didn’t even have the courage to get the ring.

Now you have the chance to find a man who will give up the ring, sign the legal papers and do it in front of everybody. Instead you had a joker who made all kinds of half-assed promises in secret, broke them all, and then had the nerve to make you believe it was your fault. You think it was your fault don’t you? Well, you’ve been fooled. But that was then. This is now.

Stand up. Wash your face.

Admit it. You loved and lost. You are 0 for 1. You can’t quit now. You’ve got lots more picks to go. But first admit you picked poorly.

Now also, try and remember who told you so. You know exactly who I’m talking about. They told you and you knew they were somewhat right, not all the way right, but yeah… And don’t forget. You told you so. Now remember all those little things? See? You weren’t a total fool. You just wanted him more than he wanted you, and you convinced yourself that it was worth it. You gave him the benefit of the doubt. You trusted him, the scaly little rat betrayed your trust. Makes you want to holler doesn’t it?

Then holler. And survive.

Heal. Humans are very good at healing. You get to sing the blues. You get to look at all the other fools in the world and sympathize. You get to forgive yourself and get better. And you free up all that time you wasted on that ungrateful knucklehead. You get to take a long walk and kick the leaves. You get to watch the sun rise early in the morning. You get to cook a delicious meal just for yourself. You get to think of a dozen ways to spoil yourself. And you get to tell yourself all the things he didn’t have the balls to say. “You’re pretty cool.” “When all is said and done, you’re pretty strong.” “You didn’t break.”

Here’s the best part. Now you have to chance to go to that place where you two never went. See? That’s the whole rest of the world.