Thank you for sharing this, Michael David Cobb Bowen. After 51 years married to the same woman, I feel confident to say, "Amen". My best to you and yours and you continue on!
Just celebrated 16 years, and with twin 15 year olds, I am starting to feel what you described. I am settling in and am more in my marriage than ever, worts and all. Thank you for posting!!!
Could not agree more - all-in or don't even bother (and DO BOTHER).
I escaped a cult at sixteen, and had a highly compressed series of dance club romances before meeting my wife, when I was still just a teenager and marrying her in my early twenties. All the more challenging, hormonally (seven year itch, was still in twenties!) but going all-in and being a team united against whatever the heck was coming at us, this whole time, was without question the best big decision of my entire life. (Hers too, she assures me kindly)
I tell young people that enchantment is but a part - there must also be WILL behind it - a positive resolve to make it work. Also - so yes about not fixing each other - something many husbands have to learn over and over (asking for empathy, is really not the same as hoping for a detailed action-plan!) ;o)
Contributing to the household also giant YES - we sometimes joke that we fight about "I'll do the dishes" "No, I'll do the dishes" (shades of Chip and Dale). Point is to never make the other one into your scolding parent, but always bring a surplus of energy into shared tasks and environment. Duties, yes - and then some!
I heard a line many years ago, that I've never been able to dismiss. "Everybody get their break in Hollywood, most just give up and go home before it happens." Pollyanna to a degree I dislike, but I do like the idea of understanding that some evolutions outright require patience. Yes we are many different people over time, but with time, we find new appreciations and forgiveness aplenty, and all is well.
Most of all - people aren't products, which we should expect to conform to our consumer preferences - much more like live music - always dynamic. We want to lean-in and bother to feel it, and not just sit in the back and jeer, or we didn't really show up to the gig at all, did we?
Cheers for what you do, man - always such a welcome treat in the in-box!
Michael, you have outdone yourself! This essay is splendid and deserves a wide circulation. Common sense for our times. Masterful and well-done. Can't wait for your cabin chronicles/smile and memoir/double smile. Encore! Encore!
Thank you for sharing this, Michael David Cobb Bowen. After 51 years married to the same woman, I feel confident to say, "Amen". My best to you and yours and you continue on!
Just celebrated 16 years, and with twin 15 year olds, I am starting to feel what you described. I am settling in and am more in my marriage than ever, worts and all. Thank you for posting!!!
Congratulations. Y'all did a lot better than me and my ex, though I think your heads were screwed on straighter.
Beautiful piece - thank you for it!
Could not agree more - all-in or don't even bother (and DO BOTHER).
I escaped a cult at sixteen, and had a highly compressed series of dance club romances before meeting my wife, when I was still just a teenager and marrying her in my early twenties. All the more challenging, hormonally (seven year itch, was still in twenties!) but going all-in and being a team united against whatever the heck was coming at us, this whole time, was without question the best big decision of my entire life. (Hers too, she assures me kindly)
I tell young people that enchantment is but a part - there must also be WILL behind it - a positive resolve to make it work. Also - so yes about not fixing each other - something many husbands have to learn over and over (asking for empathy, is really not the same as hoping for a detailed action-plan!) ;o)
Contributing to the household also giant YES - we sometimes joke that we fight about "I'll do the dishes" "No, I'll do the dishes" (shades of Chip and Dale). Point is to never make the other one into your scolding parent, but always bring a surplus of energy into shared tasks and environment. Duties, yes - and then some!
I heard a line many years ago, that I've never been able to dismiss. "Everybody get their break in Hollywood, most just give up and go home before it happens." Pollyanna to a degree I dislike, but I do like the idea of understanding that some evolutions outright require patience. Yes we are many different people over time, but with time, we find new appreciations and forgiveness aplenty, and all is well.
Most of all - people aren't products, which we should expect to conform to our consumer preferences - much more like live music - always dynamic. We want to lean-in and bother to feel it, and not just sit in the back and jeer, or we didn't really show up to the gig at all, did we?
Cheers for what you do, man - always such a welcome treat in the in-box!
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Michael, you have outdone yourself! This essay is splendid and deserves a wide circulation. Common sense for our times. Masterful and well-done. Can't wait for your cabin chronicles/smile and memoir/double smile. Encore! Encore!
Today I discovered Richard V Reeves. https://youtu.be/ALZQu9x96Jg?si=MZainUQZe1YZ_UGK