A comment mailed to me by anonymous must be shared:
Been there, got the t-shirt. I had a very different view of "success" back in the day. It had a lot to do with money, position and possessions. It straight went to hell in 2008. I could not land a job close to what I had been doing. I tried to take a few steps down. Figured I could work my way back up. Now I had too much experience.
I took out all my savings, my depleted 401k, and even borrowed from my brother to try to stay afloat a few months. I just knew any minute I was going to get the right call.
Next thing I know, my life is a bad country song. I lost my job, my house, my truck, my dog and my relationship such as it was. I could not figure out how I had failed.
Worse, I had put so much of my time, blood, sweat and tears into this job that it had somehow become my identity. There I was, sitting on my brother's couch with a bag of clothes, holding this fancy name plate my dad had bought me to show me how proud he was. And that turned out not to be the lowest moment in my life. That turned out to be 6 mos later when I still could not get a job in the industry and had all the bills telling me exactly how far in debt I was and how little relief I would get from bankruptcy.
My brother was sick of me sitting on his couch and asked me if I was too f'ing good to get a job at McDonalds. Which yeah, I thought I was. Until that moment when I was sitting in the dark, contemplating eternal nothingness, having just chain smoked the final pack of cheap cigarettes my mom had bought me.
I had not realized I had not come out for 3 days. My brother called my mom. She came over and knocked on the door. To this day I tell people that knock saved my life.
I remember her opening the door and the light blinding me. She asked me what was wrong. I just started sobbing uncontrollably and saying I had fucked up and was completely fucked. I had never actually cried before. I had angry tears, but had not let myself actually grieve. Mostly, I don't think I had accepted what had happened.
Finally, my mom reminded me that you can always start over. That she and my dad and my grandparents had all had something happen where they had to start over. That I was not, in fact, experiencing some unique disaster. It happened to people all of the time.
After a good, long sloppy cry, I got showered, put on some clean clothes, and put in an application at McDonald's. Where I left off most of my work experience and answered no previous Salary questions. It was quite a humbling experience. But I had a job. I learned new things and was reminded about others. I met young people just starting out and other people who were struggling like me.
I learned a few things about myself and this material life along the way. It changed my view about the value of material things, money and position. There is no company that finds us indispensable. We are a commodity with a shelf life.
Our real value was never tied to those things. The most valuable thing we possessed was our time and that is an ever dwindling commodity. Find Joy in simple things. Measure your success, not by your bank account and possessions, but by how many people love you and how you are loved in return. Who will remember you? If you are lucky, someone at your office will send flowers to your funeral. Then they will replace you. Maybe you'll be a faint echo in a procedure or a lunchroom joke.
Be useful and be of service to others. Lift other people up. Be remembered. If we can be those things, then we are successful. That is success.
If along the way, we accumulate things or make money, remember they are less valuable than the sands of time trickling inevitably through the hourglass of our life.
I apologize if any of that sounded preachy. I have thought about it a lot over time. More so now as I struggle with trying to help my mom downsize her life. How much all of the things she has accumulated have taken on an oversized value and how hard it is for her to part with them. The person who told me I could always start over. This is going to help me figure out what to say to her. Maybe it will help someone else.
A comment mailed to me by anonymous must be shared:
Been there, got the t-shirt. I had a very different view of "success" back in the day. It had a lot to do with money, position and possessions. It straight went to hell in 2008. I could not land a job close to what I had been doing. I tried to take a few steps down. Figured I could work my way back up. Now I had too much experience.
I took out all my savings, my depleted 401k, and even borrowed from my brother to try to stay afloat a few months. I just knew any minute I was going to get the right call.
Next thing I know, my life is a bad country song. I lost my job, my house, my truck, my dog and my relationship such as it was. I could not figure out how I had failed.
Worse, I had put so much of my time, blood, sweat and tears into this job that it had somehow become my identity. There I was, sitting on my brother's couch with a bag of clothes, holding this fancy name plate my dad had bought me to show me how proud he was. And that turned out not to be the lowest moment in my life. That turned out to be 6 mos later when I still could not get a job in the industry and had all the bills telling me exactly how far in debt I was and how little relief I would get from bankruptcy.
My brother was sick of me sitting on his couch and asked me if I was too f'ing good to get a job at McDonalds. Which yeah, I thought I was. Until that moment when I was sitting in the dark, contemplating eternal nothingness, having just chain smoked the final pack of cheap cigarettes my mom had bought me.
I had not realized I had not come out for 3 days. My brother called my mom. She came over and knocked on the door. To this day I tell people that knock saved my life.
I remember her opening the door and the light blinding me. She asked me what was wrong. I just started sobbing uncontrollably and saying I had fucked up and was completely fucked. I had never actually cried before. I had angry tears, but had not let myself actually grieve. Mostly, I don't think I had accepted what had happened.
Finally, my mom reminded me that you can always start over. That she and my dad and my grandparents had all had something happen where they had to start over. That I was not, in fact, experiencing some unique disaster. It happened to people all of the time.
After a good, long sloppy cry, I got showered, put on some clean clothes, and put in an application at McDonald's. Where I left off most of my work experience and answered no previous Salary questions. It was quite a humbling experience. But I had a job. I learned new things and was reminded about others. I met young people just starting out and other people who were struggling like me.
I learned a few things about myself and this material life along the way. It changed my view about the value of material things, money and position. There is no company that finds us indispensable. We are a commodity with a shelf life.
Our real value was never tied to those things. The most valuable thing we possessed was our time and that is an ever dwindling commodity. Find Joy in simple things. Measure your success, not by your bank account and possessions, but by how many people love you and how you are loved in return. Who will remember you? If you are lucky, someone at your office will send flowers to your funeral. Then they will replace you. Maybe you'll be a faint echo in a procedure or a lunchroom joke.
Be useful and be of service to others. Lift other people up. Be remembered. If we can be those things, then we are successful. That is success.
If along the way, we accumulate things or make money, remember they are less valuable than the sands of time trickling inevitably through the hourglass of our life.
I apologize if any of that sounded preachy. I have thought about it a lot over time. More so now as I struggle with trying to help my mom downsize her life. How much all of the things she has accumulated have taken on an oversized value and how hard it is for her to part with them. The person who told me I could always start over. This is going to help me figure out what to say to her. Maybe it will help someone else.
Good luck.